Today is one of those days where I am faced with questioning the choices I have made in my life, more importantly the choices I have made as a mother.

I decided one day that I wanted to have kids. Big change since for a long time I didn’t know if I was cut out for motherhood. It was more of a fear over the unknown that held me back and I am happy that something changed in me and that one day I wanted a baby. I went into getting pregnant as an entrepreneur, I had my own business and I never really thought of what would happen after kids. Well 30 weeks into the pregnancy with my first I had complications and I wasn’t able to continue working. I had to help most of my clients learn how they would get along without me. I was lucky to have a few who stuck by me, one of my favourites was a local interior designer, Lisa Worth. I remember fondly visiting her office with my baby in tow, working and having fun.

As time went on and my son turned 1, I felt like I needed to do more. Although I enjoyed what I was doing, I only really had a couple clients. So I set out to start another business and Grace Announcements was born. I loved being able to work while my son napped and not having to leave my home to visit a client. I never had a concrete plan of what I was doing or where I thought it would go. I just kind of took it day by day working more and more. I was lucky that there was a great need for what I was offering as the business kept growing.

Years later and another baby added into the mix I had my hands full. A thriving business, a 2.5 year old and a newborn made for crazy days. I worked when I could, challenging both kids to sleep at the same time. At 3 I put my son into Montessori school part-time and I enjoyed a little time every morning working. Not enjoying 1 on 1 time with my baby girl. Don’t get me wrong I did the odd mommy and baby music class but the majority of the time I was working. What was I thinking? How did I not enjoy the time with her more? This makes me sad but I deal. I love what I do, I love my business and I love being a part of all of my customers special moments. That makes me smile.

The joys of a mompreneur is that we sacrifice.

I sacrificed my time with my kids. I know I am not alone. So many will agree that we start our businesses to stay home with our kids. But it gets to a point where we are forced with decisions about how we will manage. Some put their kids in daycare, others pull back on their workload. We all carry guilt over the decision we make. I put my son in school part time so I could work, then I put my daughter in school full time so I could work. I tell myself that it is what is best for her. But is it really?

Is what is best for my kids to have a mom there for them? To help guide them and teach them. Or is it best for them to see their mom doing something that she loves. Seeing her working hard.

I am selfish with my kid’s school. They go from 9am until 4pm. The local public schools get out at 2:30pm and I wonder how I would manage if that was when my kids were getting home. They don’t have homework which means less for me to deal with and more time to work. Can’t believe that I just admitted that! What is wrong with me? What am I doing as their mom? I sit here feeling like I have cheated them in some way.

Months ago just before I got extremely sick and started into my busy season my orginal “the mom behind the designs” Blogger blog was hacked. I have still not been able to get back into it. Mind you I have not had a lot of time to fight with it.

So with a new year I thought I would just start again. I had been meaning to switch this blog over to WordPress and thought that this was the perfect time to do it.

This blog is all about a behind the scenes look into my life and who I am. I love writing about being a mom, I love writing about things I know other moms would love to read. This is my outlet and I am happy to start 2012 here. I hope you will enjoy reading.

I am going to end with one of my favourite photos. This is my daughter and I when she was only 3 months old, she was such an easy going baby. I use to think that I was lucky because her older brother wasn’t such an easy baby. Well she is about to turn 5 February and she is anything but easy now. But she will still melt my heart the moment I look in her eyes.