Today is one of those days where I am faced with questioning the choices I have made in my life, more importantly the choices I have made as a mother.
I decided one day that I wanted to have kids. Big change since for a long time I didn’t know if I was cut out for motherhood. It was more of a fear over the unknown that held me back and I am happy that something changed in me and that one day I wanted a baby. I went into getting pregnant as an entrepreneur, I had my own business and I never really thought of what would happen after kids. Well 30 weeks into the pregnancy with my first I had complications and I wasn’t able to continue working. I had to help most of my clients learn how they would get along without me. I was lucky to have a few who stuck by me, one of my favourites was a local interior designer, Lisa Worth. I remember fondly visiting her office with my baby in tow, working and having fun.
As time went on and my son turned 1, I felt like I needed to do more. Although I enjoyed what I was doing, I only really had a couple clients. So I set out to start another business and Grace Announcements was born. I loved being able to work while my son napped and not having to leave my home to visit a client. I never had a concrete plan of what I was doing or where I thought it would go. I just kind of took it day by day working more and more. I was lucky that there was a great need for what I was offering as the business kept growing.
Years later and another baby added into the mix I had my hands full. A thriving business, a 2.5 year old and a newborn made for crazy days. I worked when I could, challenging both kids to sleep at the same time. At 3 I put my son into Montessori school part-time and I enjoyed a little time every morning working. Not enjoying 1 on 1 time with my baby girl. Don’t get me wrong I did the odd mommy and baby music class but the majority of the time I was working. What was I thinking? How did I not enjoy the time with her more? This makes me sad but I deal. I love what I do, I love my business and I love being a part of all of my customers special moments. That makes me smile.
The joys of a mompreneur is that we sacrifice.
I sacrificed my time with my kids. I know I am not alone. So many will agree that we start our businesses to stay home with our kids. But it gets to a point where we are forced with decisions about how we will manage. Some put their kids in daycare, others pull back on their workload. We all carry guilt over the decision we make. I put my son in school part time so I could work, then I put my daughter in school full time so I could work. I tell myself that it is what is best for her. But is it really?
Is what is best for my kids to have a mom there for them? To help guide them and teach them. Or is it best for them to see their mom doing something that she loves. Seeing her working hard.
I am selfish with my kid’s school. They go from 9am until 4pm. The local public schools get out at 2:30pm and I wonder how I would manage if that was when my kids were getting home. They don’t have homework which means less for me to deal with and more time to work. Can’t believe that I just admitted that! What is wrong with me? What am I doing as their mom? I sit here feeling like I have cheated them in some way.
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You have articulated exactly what’s been on my mind for a very long time. I work at home so I can stay home with the kids. But then I ignore them so I can work. And I push them off on their father the second he walks through the door. But, I am happier than I’ve ever been. And I’d like to think the kids are better for it. But. Always a but. 2012 is the year when I work less and play more – with them, that is.
You are a wonderful mom. And, you’re creating a work/life/love balance which will likely shift priorities every single day – but it will all turn out fine in the end.
I’ll always remember a quote I once read about moms: Never worry about whether or not you’re a good mom. The fact that you’re worrying about it at all shows that you’re a good mom. A bad mom wouldn’t care.
Hugs!
Lindsay, you are really not alone in this! It is a guilt that I deal with every day. Even now, I’m sitting here with a pile of work infront of me, and it’s not because I spent the evening with my kids. I came home late, rushed my daughter out the door to dance, hustled my son out grocery shopping, came home and quickly scarfed down dinner with him. I then sat down at the computer and proceeded to get to my work emails, which he kept asking me to cuddle with him on the couch. My reply….”Hold on a sec buddy, mommy has to just send this email out”…..over and over, getting snappier each time. By the time I was forced to stop, it was bed time. A quick book, and into bed they both were. Do you know what I was upset about (until I read this blog)? That I didn’t have time to workout!!
It wasn’t until I read this post that it really hit home for me. Where did the last 6 years go??? I will be the first to admit that I do not have an ounce of stay-at-home mom in me, but I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t make me a bad person. I am driven and passionate about what I do, and I believe those are good traits to instill into our children. One thing that I do have to learn…..balance…..I don’t do that well. Have I done this all wrong? Are the behaviour issues just normal for a soon-to-be 5 year old, and a 6 year old? According to the online articles that feed into my email…..yes! They are totally normal! Phew….
There is an immense amount of mommy-guilt out there, and much of it is put on us by other moms, directly or indirectly. Being a professional/mom/wife/woman is hard work!
Remember, you are Lindsay first, and by being true to that you are doing the best for your children. And, if you can sneak the occasional tea party in there…..then go for it! In the end, it will all balance out. Some days will be more play, and others will be more work.
Take a deep breath, and whenever you are feeling that way….remember that I am too, as are many other working moms. You’re not alone…..and you’re certainly not doing anything wrong!
My kids go to a sitter so that I can work. It’s the nature of the beast. I don’t feel bad about it and neither should you. You are providing an income for your family.
I love my kids, but being a full time stay at home mom is not for me. I live that I work from home but I can’t work if my kids are home too.
Lindsay, I understand what you’re saying. I’m in the same position, squeezing in every minute of work possible, any hour of the day and working hard with the goal of having more to offer my kids later.
The problem with that is that we’re not enjoying the “now”. I often cringe at the cliche line “time flies” but it is true. I find myself saying, “i could be working on this”. But we have to have a balance otherwise we will burn out, and wake up one day saying, man I wish I had spent more time having fun with my kids.
Lindsay,
Some of us are moms that love to sit down and play with our kids all day. And some of us are not.
Being an entrepreneur who works from home tends to leave us with more guilt about our children.
But here’s the good news:
Your kids will learn that you can have a job you love. They will see that mommy works but can provide the attention they need every now and then. Your children are happier for having a mom who is happy with what she is doing and is proud of the business she built.
It took me a long time to realize that. And when my 6 yr old had a social studies project involving asking a friend or family member about their job, he chose to interview me.
In your moments of doubt, take a minute to think what life would be like with Grace Announcements. I can tell you I would be a different mom without Digital Shoebox.
That should be Without Grace announcements.
I am just loving these comments, thank you everyone!
Life is all about balance, the crux of it is that you can’t get an even balance at any given time because life isn’t balanced. Will you children learn from having their mother there full-time? Yes. Will your children learn from seeing the example that you set that doing something you love is important? Yes.
There is no right or wrong answer – just different paths at any given moment.
Great post Lindsay…I know I have felt that way several times…And I worked full time with my 1st two and was lucky to get home in time to tuck them in..
I try and balance, but we all know we sacrifice…
Cheers
I understand completely. Guilt stricken when you’re working because of the kids. Guilt stricken when you’re with the kids because you’re not working…sigh