At the end of October my husband went to China [...]]]> I have been sick just like any other mom, we push through still doing what we have to and don’t often get a “sick day”. But last fall was something I have never experienced before, not even the winter of strep was anything like this.

At the end of October my husband went to China for work for a couple weeks. The kids and I actually did really well, we were excited to pick him up at the airport when I got the call from the airline asking me to come alone. My husband had a blood clot and they were worried that something might happen to him. He arrived home safely but had a hard time adjusting back to our time and he became sick. So although he was home he really wasn’t.

Within a couple of days I started with a nagging cough that just came on out of the blue. I wasn’t sick before so I just figured something has irritated me as I’ve become sensitive to some irritants. After a couple weeks it was getting worse and sounded horrible. One afternoon I started coughing up blood so I made an appointment to see my doctor, something that I barely do. He said my lungs sounded fine but put me on an antibiotic anyways. Something I would soon learn was a good thing.

I finished the antibiotic and was still coughing, not as bad during the day but the nights became horrible. I woke up one night gasping for air. I started to panic. I coughed and coughed and no matter what I did I couldn’t breathe. I got out of bed and headed right outside into the middle of cold night in hopes that the fresh air would help. This went on for weeks.

My husband threatened to take me to the hospital as seeing his wife struggle like that over and over every night was “too much” as he said. I refused but after 2 weeks of no sleep I was becoming desperate and went back to my doctor. He said that it just seemed viral so there wasn’t anything we could do.

After 3 weeks of no sleep I started to research in the middle of the night coughs and came across pertussis also known as the whooping cough. The symptoms sounded just like mine and I listened to an audio file of what the cough sounded like and my husband immediately said that was exactly me.

Desperate I went back to my doctor who gave me a little information. He said that the antibiotic he gave me weeks prior was would be prescribed for pertussis but that it has to be given within the 1st week to be helpful or else the patient suffers from what is called the “120 day cough”. He did the swab test to see if I was still carrying the bacteria as it is highly contageuos and sent me for an X-ray as he knew I was really suffering by this point.

Immediately we got the X-ray which showed I had pneumonia in my left lung. I told him I wanted more drugs, crazy coming from me the homeopathic queen, but I was getting really tired of it. The middle of the night attacks were waring on me. I was told I needed to take it easy and get lots of rest. Something easy for someone who cant sleep because of the coughing and a workaholic who was in her busiest season.

I went home and my husband forced me into bed where I spent 4 days. I received a message from my doctor telling me that the swab didn’t work and did I want to do another, but also that the radiologist saw that my left lung with the pneumonia had partially collapsed. So the pertussis coughing cause my lung to collapse which cause the pneumonia.

So here I sat very sick and forced into bed in what was my busiest season. I am so thankful that i have some really amazing people working for me who took care of everything for me. My husband drive the kids to school, came home from work and made dinner (something big from the guy who doesn’t cook) took care of the kids. He did runs to the printer, packaged up orders and shipped them for me. He wouldn’t let me do anything which was a good thing as just going downstairs caused me such difficulty breathing.

My poor kids missed me, but they understood that mommy was sick and needed to rest. they thought that I was funny because I had the whopping cough. Daddy explained to them that when I had an attack I would start singing “whoop there it is” which always got them laughing. Love him for making the bad turn into something good for them!

The second round of antibiotics and strict regimin of homeopathic remedies started to finally help. I was no longer having these horrible attacks all night long. It was once or twice a night and for the most part I was able to control them.

By the end of January I was finally feeling almost normal. This mom who always puts herself last was forced to put herself first for once which I think was the universes way of smacking me upside the head! I spent the holidays with my family and reminding myself of how I was never going to put me last again.

I learned many valuable lessons over those months. One of the most important is that sometimes mommy had to take a sick day and that the rest of family will survive just fine!

I think one of the biggest challenges of any mom and mompreneur is that we feel like we can do it all. I know I could for the most part do it all, well do [...]]]> The one promise I made to myself for 2012 was that I was going to get my priorities in check.

I think one of the biggest challenges of any mom and mompreneur is that we feel like we can do it all. I know I could for the most part do it all, well do it all for everyone else. I would make sure all work was done and gave it 110%. I cared too much about what others thought so I would go above and beyond to keep my friends and people around me happy. I would try to keep my kids happy and healthy. Make sure my husband was okay and last and sometimes never was myself.

By putting myself last I was also putting my family last. At the end of the day there wasn’t much left, so when they needed me most I was sometimes already shut down.

As you know the end of 2011 taught me that I could not continue like this any longer.

So like anything I set forth with my plan. Spend more time on me, work more effectively so that I can focus on spending more time with my family and not be worried about what work I need to do. The biggest plan was to disconnect myself from my computer, email and phone while I am with my kids to allow them 100% of me.

One of the main reasons I started my business was to allow me to be there for my kids and I started to realize while I was there physically I wasn’t there emotionally and that is what they needed. My two aren’t babies anymore, my youngest turned 5 last week (insert tears here) and I have realized that I have missed lots of fun family time. I know that soon enough they will be older and need me a lot less. I want to be there now and enjoy them now.

I don’t want more regrets about how my kids grew up while my head was tucked in my computer working on making my business into something big.

So like all plans I have my idea of what I want to do and I don’t always follow through properly. I get sidetracked by something exciting to do like working on new products or designs, or some new web site sucker like the fun known as Pinterest.

Just as I seem to lose focus something reminds me of the plan and I get put back on track.

For me my family comes first. If my kids need me I will be there for them. My kids are both in school from 8:45am to 3:45pm so I have a good solid time that I am able to work. I might have a week where I have things that pull me away from my perfectly scheduled time for working.  I try not to put anything else in this time because it isn’t easy to makeup the missed “work time” because I went to the doctor, did some shopping or met a friend for lunch.

If it is for my kids I am now okay with taking the time. So maybe this month I take extra time taking one of my kids to some very important appointments. We take a short trip as a family to celebrate a birthday and I tag along with my husband on a business trip to California.

At the end of the day working myself into a ball of stress won’t do anything for me when I am no longer here.

Focus on enjoying life is my plan and doing it while enjoying running my business just seems like a bonus. I do love what I do after all. As long as I do it under my terms all is good!

I decided one day that I wanted to have kids. Big change since for a long time I didn’t know if I was cut out [...]]]> Today is one of those days where I am faced with questioning the choices I have made in my life, more importantly the choices I have made as a mother.

I decided one day that I wanted to have kids. Big change since for a long time I didn’t know if I was cut out for motherhood. It was more of a fear over the unknown that held me back and I am happy that something changed in me and that one day I wanted a baby. I went into getting pregnant as an entrepreneur, I had my own business and I never really thought of what would happen after kids. Well 30 weeks into the pregnancy with my first I had complications and I wasn’t able to continue working. I had to help most of my clients learn how they would get along without me. I was lucky to have a few who stuck by me, one of my favourites was a local interior designer, Lisa Worth. I remember fondly visiting her office with my baby in tow, working and having fun.

As time went on and my son turned 1, I felt like I needed to do more. Although I enjoyed what I was doing, I only really had a couple clients. So I set out to start another business and Grace Announcements was born. I loved being able to work while my son napped and not having to leave my home to visit a client. I never had a concrete plan of what I was doing or where I thought it would go. I just kind of took it day by day working more and more. I was lucky that there was a great need for what I was offering as the business kept growing.

Years later and another baby added into the mix I had my hands full. A thriving business, a 2.5 year old and a newborn made for crazy days. I worked when I could, challenging both kids to sleep at the same time. At 3 I put my son into Montessori school part-time and I enjoyed a little time every morning working. Not enjoying 1 on 1 time with my baby girl. Don’t get me wrong I did the odd mommy and baby music class but the majority of the time I was working. What was I thinking? How did I not enjoy the time with her more? This makes me sad but I deal. I love what I do, I love my business and I love being a part of all of my customers special moments. That makes me smile.

The joys of a mompreneur is that we sacrifice.

I sacrificed my time with my kids. I know I am not alone. So many will agree that we start our businesses to stay home with our kids. But it gets to a point where we are forced with decisions about how we will manage. Some put their kids in daycare, others pull back on their workload. We all carry guilt over the decision we make. I put my son in school part time so I could work, then I put my daughter in school full time so I could work. I tell myself that it is what is best for her. But is it really?

Is what is best for my kids to have a mom there for them? To help guide them and teach them. Or is it best for them to see their mom doing something that she loves. Seeing her working hard.

I am selfish with my kid’s school. They go from 9am until 4pm. The local public schools get out at 2:30pm and I wonder how I would manage if that was when my kids were getting home. They don’t have homework which means less for me to deal with and more time to work. Can’t believe that I just admitted that! What is wrong with me? What am I doing as their mom? I sit here feeling like I have cheated them in some way.

So with a new year [...]]]> Months ago just before I got extremely sick and started into my busy season my orginal “the mom behind the designs” Blogger blog was hacked. I have still not been able to get back into it. Mind you I have not had a lot of time to fight with it.

So with a new year I thought I would just start again. I had been meaning to switch this blog over to WordPress and thought that this was the perfect time to do it.

This blog is all about a behind the scenes look into my life and who I am. I love writing about being a mom, I love writing about things I know other moms would love to read. This is my outlet and I am happy to start 2012 here. I hope you will enjoy reading.

I am going to end with one of my favourite photos. This is my daughter and I when she was only 3 months old, she was such an easy going baby. I use to think that I was lucky because her older brother wasn’t such an easy baby. Well she is about to turn 5 February and she is anything but easy now. But she will still melt my heart the moment I look in her eyes.

I learned that I am going to blog again and I am going to write about what I [...]]]> I just finished a jam packed 3 days at Blissdom Canada. And although I didn’t leave there getting as much from the sessions this year as I did last I did get some other very important things.

I learned that I am going to blog again and I am going to write about what I want to and not care what people think. For years now (after our world fell apart) I have held back. Worried about what people will think, but not anymore. I need to share, bottling everything up is only hurting myself.

I learned that keeping it all to myself makes me feel like an outsider. I walked around Blissdom wondering who I was and who were all the people around me.

I learned that it is time to take care of myself. Stop caring what others think, care what I think. I just found a post from a year ago where I stated that I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. WOW if that year ago me saw me now…

I learned that it is going back to basics. I found that in the rat race I lost what it was all about. No more and that excites me!

I learned that I should be darn freaking proud of myself for growing Grace Announcements from nothing to something in 6 years all by myself. October 19th is the 6th birthday for the official website launch.

I learned that I have some amazing people behind me and the ride to the future will be an amazing one with them by my side.

I learned that my kids and husband are the absolute most important things in my life. Without them nothing else matters.

So as I gain my thoughts, and there are so many floating around (I think I probably have 100 blog posts right now) I will start getting them out.

No more wishing I just had someone to talk to.

I recently moved and have been spending a lot of time at our new park, there is a great splash pad and park with a covered area with [...]]]> Recently I have been thinking about mom friends. You know the ones who you can get together with, your kids play together and you chat about life.

I recently moved and have been spending a lot of time at our new park, there is a great splash pad and park with a covered area with benches and tables.  As I sit there I notice the ladies chatting, their kids are all playing and the moms are talking and enjoying themselves.  I sit there by myself with my iPhone, Facebook and Twitter.  While all of those are great I miss the actual company of a physical human beside me.

I don’t notice it all that often but it seems to really be in my face at the park. Could be because I work at home all day by myself.

Yes I just moved into a new neighbourhood and I still need to meet people, but even in my old neighbourhood I went to the park by myself. People were a lot friendlier there.  While we live in this great new neighbourhood there are no kids around us.  Makes me sad as we had that in our old house, up until the last month when a great family moved in with 3 boys the ages of my kids.

So tonight at dinner I started thinking to myself about how sad it makes me that I don’t have any mom friends who I can call and ask them to meet me, or ones that call me.

Sure I have friends, not like I am all pity me because I am a friendless loser.

But when my kids were little I had “Mom” friends that I regularly saw, our kids played and we chatted about life. I met a great group when my 1st was born, we still continued our regular play dates as we all started having 2nd kids but then something happened…

I started Grace Announcements when my son was 1 and by the time my daughter was born I was busy. I didn’t have as much time, I needed to use nap time for working not forgoing it for human contact. And now that I am at a point in my life where I want it, it isn’t there.

Shows the importance of nurturing friends along with family. With making it a priority to stay in contact with friends.  While I know that I will have friends in my life that will always be there, no matter how much time goes by it doesn’t matter.  We can pickup right where we left off. I am very lucky to have a lifelong friend like that, unfortunately she lives in Ottawa so we don’t get to just see each other whenever we want.

Do you make it a priority to keep all your friends close? Or do you have friends which whom you have grown apart from?

But then you have friends who you put a lot of effort into, you try to contact, you try to setup “dates” but it never works out.

Do you forget about them?

Does it also get to a point in life where you have friends who are moms but you don’t ever get together with kids?